Sunday, April 02, 2006

Hangin' in There

8:00 a.m. PDT, Sunday morning. It’s been a brutal weekend so far. Not because of all the rain or because nothing has gone right… Quite the contrary, in one respect at least, all has gone extraordinarily well, but it hasn’t been easy. Since my last post late Friday night, I have been at war and so far winning battle after battle. There have been oh so many battles. I think my strength is growing. Today, I recommit myself to not smoking.

I have received nothing but positive feedback and encouragement since I publicly made my mission known. I deeply appreciate it and that support has helped more than I thought possible. Having said all that, however, this has been my toughest journey into smoke freedom yet. I don’t know why, but I am nowhere near taking this “a day at a time” yet. Sometimes, it’s all I can do to get through the moment.

Perhaps it’s because not smoking is so high on my conscious priority list. In the past when I was unsuccessful after a few days, weeks or months, the urge may have come over me while my guard was down… I was not vigilant to the degree I am today. But that very vigilance forces me to think of not smoking – and consequently – smoking, all the time. It’s a catch 22 that I guess I’ll have to live with for the time being. It seems to be working.

As hard as this has been so far, it obviously is not beyond my ability or my resources. Every tough day won gives me that much more confidence and strength that I can do it again today. Although I hesitate to say it, it is different this time. What that means only time will tell, but so far today, I’m still winning.

11 comments:

Snaggle Tooth said...

I haven't had one in over 3 years. The first week is the true test of pain in every cell crying for the nic-fix back, so I do understand the "white-knuckled-by-the-minute-crawl," not by the the day...

Think ahead to the result! Never again being a slave to that nagging urge every couple of hours, making you go out in terrible weather, spending time alone instead of with loved souls- And it frees up so much time, helping ya relax so much easier-
I don't start again cause I don't wanna ever quit it again!
Chew pencils if ya gotta...

Snaggle Tooth said...

I neglected to mention that I'm now addicted to quiting...
I quit coffee, soda, et ect...

OutInLeftField said...

I send you hugs and wish you luck on quitting! I have been a smoker since I have been 14....on and off. I though I quit successfuly a couple years ago but I started again last september when I began to have problems at work. It really calms me down...but I know that isn't an excuse. When things get a but more stable I know I will try to quit again and the roller coaster will continue.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Oh, good job! Someone recently wrote that smoking is the most obvious sign of self-destructive behavior. I think that's a truism at it's finest. I'm so glad you're fighting this. The Other Half fought it for years before finally giving in and giving up. I do like a line out of the movie Dead Again where Robin Williams says (slightly paraphrased) "There are only two types of people: smokers, and non-smokers. It's up to you to decide which one you are, and then be it."

CyberKitten said...

Good luck from me too.. [sends positive vibes].

Ellen said...

Bravo to you! As smokers can attest to, quitting is the hardest thing to do. I'm curious though... did you try any patches, etc. People I know who have tried them said it made it a lot easier, until they quit putting the patches back on.
There is also a shot that they give now that is supposed to work.

Keep up the good work, and keep us posted on your progress.... again, bravo to you!

Mr. Althouse said...

snaggle tooth ~ Still going strong... no smoky! It's getting a little easier, not so much an all-consuming task. Plus now that Monday has rolled around, it's a little easier to keep busy with other things. Thanks for the support.

oilf ~ yup, I hear ya sister. I'll just say the same thing everyone kept telling me: keep trying and eventually you'll succeed. I'm not sure when I'll know if I've succeeded - but I won't know for a while yet!

saur ~ Well, I guess I do know a thing or three about destructive behavior, but I'm trying to get better.

cyberkitten ~ vibes received - thank you

ellen ~ I agree, it is the hardest thing to do and I don't want to do it again.

No patches, gum or any other nicotine replacement. Just me and all the non-addictive help I can get!

Lee Ann said...

Congratulations...everyday is a new day! You can do it, stay strong!

Mr. Althouse said...

lee ann ~ so far, so good! It's getting a little less stressful. Thanks,

~Mike

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Well, I cannot tell you how many times I tried to quit, and they were unsuccessful. Then it just happened one day, and I have not had one in more than 11 years.

Take it one day at a time, or moment to moment as the case may be. You have to surrender, hit your own bottom, with everything, to get anywhere...At least I do...And I am by far successful at anything these days!!

Mr. Althouse said...

bfc ~ Thank you for the support. This has been the hardest "vice" yet... but so far, it's going pretty good, just for today!