Monday, March 27, 2006

Unwanted Peace

It’s been raining consistently for over an hour now, the wind is picking up and the sky enjoys the combined darkness of a setting sun obscured by rain clouds. The reflection of the rainwater streaming down the window behind me is on my iBook’s screen. It has a surreal transitive effect in that my screen appears to be uncontrollably weeping - or sweating. Perhaps at some level, this is my own reflection as well. My life is an exciting place, yet at the moment – not. I am not lamenting or complaining, just noting how this rollercoaster can never be tamed. I feel as though I am ratcheting my way up yet another long, tall peak that will release me toward either certain annihilation or rejoice – only to do it all over again.

Yet right now, it’s the best I can do to appreciate the unwanted peace. Perhaps this is anxiety. Don’t they have a drug for that? Nevermind. There were so many times in my life when I would have given everything I had for a few seconds of this very place… this very peace. Watching they rain come down and the wind blow. Writing. Reflecting. At peace...

10 comments:

Bar Bar A said...

i am feeling pretty low myself...just wrote about it. your rain came down here, it just started about 20 minutes ago. misery loves company so your post comforted me on some sick level.

Lee Ann said...

The rain can make you down at times, or it can be very peaceful. I try to make it a relaxing time.
Good for reflection in life!

OutInLeftField said...

Thankfully we have both peaks and valleys because if it was all peaks, we would never take the time to recoup...and enjoy the little things. Like rain :) Enjoy it's peace....because you never know....you may have to buckle up for a rushed next few days or weeks. :)

jinsane said...

I hope to someday find that peaceful place for myself. It's been a huge struggle, but I'm staying optimistic.

I'm glad you found yours.

Ellen said...

As long as I'm not out in traffic, I don't mind the rain in the least.
Not only is it good for the crops, it's good sleeping weather.

It's good that you could look at the storm from the outside, and still not have it reflect the inner peace of your inside. There's nothing wrong with a little turmoil if you can find the beauty in it's revealing moment.

Saur♥Kraut said...

I love the rain. But is your peace truly unwanted? Most peole would envy that.

KT Did said...

I like the rains' comfort it brings. Where you are the smells of the trees kick in too. Enjoy it while it is here.

The Zombieslayer said...

Dang, I'd think you of all people would appreciate a mindset like that. I know I would at least. But then again, we're all complex creatures and sometimes even what we usually want annoys us.

UltimateWriter said...

That type of serenity is usually short lived. Glad you took the time to appreciate it.

Mr. Althouse said...

To all: My appologies for the delay in responding to all your comments.

barbara ~ It's not that I'm feeling low so much as not feeling up. I'm responding now that the feeling has passed and it is noteworthy that the feeling did, as they always do, pass.

lee ann ~ so true. And writing helps too.

oilf ~ how prophetic your words turned out to be.

jinsane ~ peace can be fleeting sometimes.

ellen ~ I like the rain too. I especially like the stillness it provides.

saur ~ not truly unwanted... just an odd feeling of not enoughness.

kt did ~ actually, as I write this, we have just hit a record 20 days of rain this month. Tomorrow is April 1, and its gonna rain then too.

zs ~ good to hear from you! usually I don't get that way, and when I do, it doesn't last long. Don't be a stranger!

UW ~ Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to enjoy peace