18 November 2006
Funny… Here I am, 12:37 a.m. and very tired. I’m sitting in front of my computer reading blog posts – my own. Going back through my archives from time to time always proves to be inspirational - and frustrating. I like much of what I have written – but none of it is perfect. And I’ll grant that it never can be. Written language has far too much variety in definition and interpretation for perfection to be, at best, anything more than a fleeting reality. What means one thing today might mean something totally different tomorrow.
Today, no matter how happy I am, I am never “gay.” So much for supporting evidence.
But this is not really the sort of perfection I’m speaking of. Yes, the way the words are orchestrated is important and as much as I am usually satisfied with how they fall, I’ll be the first to admit it could be better. If I can’t get to good enough at some point, the job would never be finished. Then there are the typos that I find in posted material perhaps weeks old; that drives me crazy… but it’s still not where I’m going with this.
It’s about taking it to the next level. Finding a groove, the sweet spot. It’s more than just the idea, more than the organization and the corroboration. It goes beyond a varied vocabulary and an attractive style, or not too much and not too little anything. It’s what I strive for in the writings of others, the George Wills and Joan Dideons, Anna Quindlens and George Orwells. Dare I say it? The Martin Luther Kings. There is an impact, an urgency, a poignancy and a purpose.
And, as I re-read what I just wrote, it’s not that either. Well, it might be, but I’m not absolutely sure… I have those traits, too, at least sometimes. Perhaps it’s a higher quality of these characteristics. Maybe it’s a deeper consistency of these attributes. Could it be something else altogether?
And I wonder, do these and other greats ever second-guess their work? Could it be that the next level is always out there, and when reached another appears on the horizon? I think perhaps – yes, I think so. It has been so for me, although only recently have I noticed any advancement in my thoughts and writing – and my thoughts of writing. Evolution is occurring and as is its nature – at a pace too slow to notice until enough time has passed.
For most of my life, even with the passing of time, I didn’t notice – writing was not my focus. Nothing was, really. Patience and practice are the keys to realize where this trek will lead me. I hit plateaus from time to time, and I think it may be that I am about to embark on another period of rapid ascent. The stagnation and complacency that has been my silent companion of late are giving way to motivation and inspiration once again. One chapter has ended and the next is well under way.
14 February 2009
This saga of identification is as frustrating as it is exhilarating. Except for minor edits in the preceding prose and the composition of this entire last paragraph, this piece was written and posted on Been Some Places, Seen Some Things more than two years ago. Yet the feelings I identified then are just as valid today - perhaps even more so. Such is the nature of evolution. Two years ago I had no idea I would be at this juncture in my life, re-living these very thoughts, and yet here I am. In two years hence, I wonder if I will still be wondering what I wonder now... and then. Chances are good, albeit in an evolved state.