Saturday, February 14, 2009

Recurrence

18 November 2006

Funny… Here I am, 12:37 a.m. and very tired. I’m sitting in front of my computer reading blog posts – my own. Going back through my archives from time to time always proves to be inspirational - and frustrating. I like much of what I have written – but none of it is perfect. And I’ll grant that it never can be. Written language has far too much variety in definition and interpretation for perfection to be, at best, anything more than a fleeting reality. What means one thing today might mean something totally different tomorrow.

Today, no matter how happy I am, I am never “gay.” So much for supporting evidence.

But this is not really the sort of perfection I’m speaking of. Yes, the way the words are orchestrated is important and as much as I am usually satisfied with how they fall, I’ll be the first to admit it could be better. If I can’t get to good enough at some point, the job would never be finished. Then there are the typos that I find in posted material perhaps weeks old; that drives me crazy… but it’s still not where I’m going with this.

It’s about taking it to the next level. Finding a groove, the sweet spot. It’s more than just the idea, more than the organization and the corroboration. It goes beyond a varied vocabulary and an attractive style, or not too much and not too little anything. It’s what I strive for in the writings of others, the George Wills and Joan Dideons, Anna Quindlens and George Orwells. Dare I say it? The Martin Luther Kings. There is an impact, an urgency, a poignancy and a purpose.

And, as I re-read what I just wrote, it’s not that either. Well, it might be, but I’m not absolutely sure… I have those traits, too, at least sometimes. Perhaps it’s a higher quality of these characteristics. Maybe it’s a deeper consistency of these attributes. Could it be something else altogether?

And I wonder, do these and other greats ever second-guess their work? Could it be that the next level is always out there, and when reached another appears on the horizon? I think perhaps – yes, I think so. It has been so for me, although only recently have I noticed any advancement in my thoughts and writing – and my thoughts of writing. Evolution is occurring and as is its nature – at a pace too slow to notice until enough time has passed.

For most of my life, even with the passing of time, I didn’t notice – writing was not my focus. Nothing was, really. Patience and practice are the keys to realize where this trek will lead me. I hit plateaus from time to time, and I think it may be that I am about to embark on another period of rapid ascent. The stagnation and complacency that has been my silent companion of late are giving way to motivation and inspiration once again. One chapter has ended and the next is well under way.

14 February 2009

This saga of identification is as frustrating as it is exhilarating. Except for minor edits in the preceding prose and the composition of this entire last paragraph, this piece was written and posted on Been Some Places, Seen Some Things more than two years ago. Yet the feelings I identified then are just as valid today - perhaps even more so. Such is the nature of evolution. Two years ago I had no idea I would be at this juncture in my life, re-living these very thoughts, and yet here I am. In two years hence, I wonder if I will still be wondering what I wonder now... and then. Chances are good, albeit in an evolved state.

5 comments:

Charles Bjørnsen Ravndal said...

I also read some of my older posts in the archives and I noticed the changes in the way I write like it is growing. Plus, they also served as sort of inspirations for new topics. Anyway, Happy Valentines to you and yes Tanya sent me.

Sleepypete said...

Hi, Netchick sent me :-)

I occasionally look back at what I've written. I must go back and check through what I posted in Blog Part 1 (had a big break). I've read the "indoor cricket tactics" post a few times and rechecked the "what's your birthday mean" post a couple of time. That'll probably tell what the most common Google searches into my Blog are ...

There's a certain rhythm that comes out of the best posts as well. A sense of being carried through the post on a wave, where you follow how the author feels, not being left behind in confusion. I've hit that a few times I think :-) But not as often as I like ("Recurrence" has rhythm)

The typos get me too - both the spelling errors plus an unfortunate habit I seem to have of word substitution. I meant to write one word but it comes out as another :-)

Interesting :-)

~Easy said...

Dang, my comment ended up as a post, so I deleted it and started over. *lol*

I go back and read my older posts sometimes. Sometimes I think "Damn, that was pretty good", other times I wonder how drunk and stupid I was when I wrote it.

The ones that stand up for me I link in my gutter, the ones that don't remain in the archives.

Snaggle Tooth said...

Very observant of you-
I've been re-reading ESR this month too. I think I seemed more upbeat- guess I'm getting a bit worn down from the job lately-
I get the feeling when things start picking up for better work again, my blog tone will lighten up again too.

As always, I send myself here on Day Off!

mw said...

I often go back and read my blog as well as the several decades worth of e-mail and snail mail correspondences I've shared with friends, and I've found what you've found - there is evolution taking place. I have my goals, and sometimes I achieve them, but the real progress is being made in the places I'm not looking.

The simple act of writing (and writing, and writing) seems to be wearing away the rough edges and the false starts. The mistakes I used to make I'm slowly learning to not make.

There is some wisdom that comes with age as well, and of course, for someone like myself that writes about the moments in my life, there are simply more moments to write about.

And like you as well, I often find that when I read what I wrote way back when, I feel the same way I did then, only more intently and with greater depth. I choose to take that as a sign that I'm following a coherent path towards some far off but real goal, and though I spent a lot of time meandering, I am, in fact, making progress.

(Thank you for adding me to your blogroll, btw. My blog is something of a mystery to me, having set it up ages ago. When I again figure out how my blogroll works, I will surely add your blogs to it).